


Hark, Hark! The Jaffodile

by archea2



Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: E-mail, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Humor, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 14:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16177127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archea2/pseuds/archea2
Summary: Bingley decides to wax lyrical and enlists Darcy's help as a beta-reader.





	Hark, Hark! The Jaffodile

From: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: my new poem  
  
Hey pal,

So. This one? _The_  one, I think. Check it out?

 

* * *

  
From: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
To: charles.bingley@gmail.com  
Re: re: my new poem  
  
Depends. Are you still using "Bruce Wayne" as a rhyme for her name?

 

* * *

  
From: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: re: re: my new poem  
  
Man! Not fair! I was high, remember? And she likes bats. She sent me that gif of a baby bat having its tiny little head scritched. That was me acknowledgjng her kind heart!

 

* * *

  
From: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
To: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
Re: re: re: re: my new poem  
  
Very well. I will read your new opus from the kindness of  _my_  heart. Please refrain from sending any juvenile flying rodents my way - Georgy doesn't need any further encouragement to hog my laptop.

 

* * *

  
From: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: STOP STALLING AND READ MY POME  
  
Yeah, like you haven't ordered a brand new Ace Ferrari for your kid sister. I know you, pal.  
  
...So?

 

* * *

  
  
From: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: re: STOP STALLING AND READ MY POME  
  
...so-so?

 

* * *

  
From: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
To: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
Re: re: re: STOP STALLING AND READ MY POME  
  
Hush. I'm trying to frame an adequate slam-friendly  
  
Ex.  
  
Eg.  
  
Esis.

 

* * *

  
From: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: Oh come on, man  
  
I only do it ONCE at the end of stanza 27.

 

* * *

  
From: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
To: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
Re: re: Oh come on, man  
  
Granted, you do. For the next

  
Fif.

  
Ty.

  
Sev.

  
En.

  
Lines.

 

* * *

  
From: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
To: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
Re: re: re: Oh come on, man  
  
I'm not quite sure you should praise her "red-rose nose, glowing like a lighthouse against the too-pale sky of [her] face".  
  
That is, I'm sure Miss Bennet would appreciate knowing that you bonded with her while nursing her cold.  
  
But.

 

* * *

  
From: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: re: re: re: Oh come on, man  
  
Oh please. You wouldn't know a spun-out metaphor if it hauled you up on a stage and got the glitter ball spinning.  
  
And then you'd probably decline to dance.

 

* * *

  
From: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
To: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
Re: lexical query  
  
Too right.  
  
Charles, what the heck is a "Jaffodile"? A Jaffa-born crocodile?

 

* * *

  
From: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: lexical query  
  
Oh, good, you've reached the acrostiche. It's my favourite part!  
  
Duh. It's a daffodile. She loves daffodiles. Only, it's the first line of the acrostiche, so I had to make it a J.

 

* * *

  
From: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
To: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
Re: re: lexical query

  
I stand humbled.

 

* * *

  
From: charles_bingley@gmail.com  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: re: re: lexical query

  
Yay! I knew you'd see it my way.  
  
Man, I really appreciate your doing this. I mean, really. Couldn't send the thing unless you greenlit it. I know it's not perfect but, Fitz, she's so sweet and beautiful, she deserves every word I can write from the heart, and I've poured mine into this.   
  
Have you reached page 19 yet??? I'm rather proud of the calligramme. I mean, how many poets so far have typed OVE Y OU as the eyes and nose of a baby bat? Okay so it's a bat with a bit of a goitre, but, you know. I think she'll get my drift.

 

* * *

  
From: ohmydarlingcaroline@yahoo.uk  
To: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
Re: our little secret  
  
William dear (yes, I know! But "William" is  _so_  you!),  
  
We need to take about Charles. I think you'll agree that his pash for the Bennet girl is getting  _way_  out of hand. Don't get me wrong, she's a cutie and I simply adore her. But can he really afford to commute to Hackney daily, or wherever her people summer, when Father is finally talking of a full partnership for him at the firm? I say we drag him away from his laptop for drinkies, wait until he's nicely toasted, then drop a hint or two that she's not that into him. Best for everyone concerned, surely?   
  
Then you and I can drive on to Bonbonnière and have  _diner à deux_?  
  
Best-best,  
Caro

 

* * *

  
From: f.darcy@hotmail.uk  
To: charles.bingley@gmail.com  
Re: green light  
  
Yes. Do that. Write her name and "I love you" as a page starter*, to be on the safe side, sign it, scan it again, and then email it.  
  
*Including page 19, yes.

 ****Best of luck to you, my friend.


End file.
